The Phrases given by A Dad That Rescued Me as a First-Time Father

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

But the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple words "You are not in a good place. You require assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to talk between men, who often hold onto negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a display of failure to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a respite - spending a short trip away, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the body - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I believe my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."